The Indu-sputed truth: Part 7

Comey launches campaign for Trump Administration Anonymous

 

Former FBI Director James Comey began his book tour earlier this week to promote his new organization, Trump Administration Anonymous (TAA).

TAA seeks to create a support network for former members of the Trump administration.

Comey’s new book focuses on his fall from grace and his rehabilitation process.

“I reached rock bottom after the break up,” Comey said in his ABC interview with George Stegosaurus. “I turned to tweeting Bible verses and making periodic ominous statements about Trump.

But I just realized I couldn’t live my life that way.”

Comey began his healing process after a chance meeting with Sean Spicer who Comey found curled in a ball at a McDonalds.

“From that moment on, I knew that we couldn’t be alone in this,” Comey said. “We created TAA for all the broken souls out there.”

Recent members include Hope Hicks and H.R. McMaster.

Both refused our interview requests because they were on a spiritual healing getaway weekend with fellow TAA members.

Former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson remains the only wounded warrior to not join the group because members couldn’t remember what he looks like.

“I just have one message to all the former members of the White House out there,” Comey said in an impromptu speech in the middle of a Barnes and Noble book signing.

“You can overcome this! You are brave. You are beautiful.”

 

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Prefect midterm elections heat up

 

The midterm elections for next year’s prefects heat up as election draws closer. The Chronicle has been following potential candidates since early in the school year.

“There are a lot of anti-establishment candidates this year,” Anthony Weinraub, Chronicle’s senior political correspondent said. “I think this might pose some problems for Deep State incumbents.”
Most races have been dominated by key issues such as nap pods and adding Boba flavors to the cafeteria.

“A lot of students are single-issue voters,” candidate Ryan Paul said. “My campaign has been focused on Honor Board reform. It’s something that really gets to working class students.”
Some have questioned whether the process is democratic at all.

“The gerrymandering of the eleventh grade is without parallel,” Anne Kelly said as she handed out ‘Drain the Swamp’ t-shirts. “People have already voted even before speeches are given. I spent twenty minutes thinking of a witty, #relatable icebreaker!”

Early polling shows that there may be a wave of outsiders who could win seats given the dissatisfaction with the current administration.

“My totally accurate, super-secret algorithm predicts that there is a 60.7 percent chance of an outsider wave,” Nate Silver proclaimed on FiveThirtyEight. “If I get this right, I think they’ll take me off time-out for presidential elections!”

Most incumbents remain unworried by the brewing resistance movement.

“Be sure to get poké from this month’s food truck before class meeting!” Prefect Council announced in a recent email earlier. “We hope it gives you energy to think about your vote.”

The wheels of democracy are turning.

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