Pseudo-intellectual whines until Fake News Media gives her socially acceptable way to bully people.
Failing liberal media gives Indu Pandey a satire column to attract viewers. Sad!
Panda will pretend to know what she’s talking about as she embraces bougie intellectualism to hypocritically criticize others.
“That’s what the world needs, you know? More leftists insulting your way of life from an ivory tower,” Papyrus said as she adjusted her Jill Stein 2016 button on her organic t-shirt that saved the Amazon.
Pandemic promised to flawlessly channel discount Andy Borowitz meets teen trying to be edgy.
“After phoning in doing real journalism for two years, I’m glad the high school equivalent of CNN and Vox’s love child decided to give me this column,” Papaya said.
Editors at the Chronicle claim the decision was due to coercion and excessive whining.
“This is a travesty for the instituition of journalism, the First Amendment and human civilization,” Director of Fake News Jim Burns said.
Regardless of its alternative facts, Papillomavirus remains optimistic in her capacity to hold the mirror of truth and justice up to Harvard-Westlake society.
Pangea describes this as her greatest life dream, second only to finding The Emails, the greatest American treasure since the wildly successful and popular Occupy Wall Street movement.
“I’m like the Jordan meets Kobe meets Curry of this newspaper. Call my agent with potential job offers, Breitbart,” Papua New Guinea said.
Liberal snowflake enrolls in gov to figure out how Bernie can still win.
Distressed by Trump, liberal Snow F. Lake enrolls in AP U.S. Government to figure out how Bernie can still win.
A.P. U.S. Government has experienced a 400% increase in enrollment due to Trump. The class will now feature a daily mid-class safe space to accommodate the new demographic.
“The safe spaces are a great idea. Whenever a libertarian talks in class, I just need a moment to reestablish my bubble,” Lake said.
Lake tried speaking with the history department about how Bernie could still win, but fell asleep after they started saying stuff like “impeachment” and “that’s not how the government works, you darn millennial.”
After reading the front page of CNN weekly for the last week, Lake fashions himself quite the activist.
“Yeah, like I liked the Women’s March Facebook page, you know?” Lake said.
Lake described his quest as courageous and groundbreaking.
“It’s hard when no one understands the work I’m trying to do except my Tumblr friends who check my #whiteprivilege,” Lake said.
Taking a bite from his Chinese Chicken Salad, Lake advised other seniors to discover the real truth with him.
“The Electric Collage was rigged against Bernie! All of these secrets and stuff are exactly what National Treasure warned us about!” Lake exclaimed, fixing his designer pink baseball hat and cuffed jeans afterwards like a true Bro.
Lake’s movement will target Trump and all of the bad things the Huffington Post said he did, Lake said.
You can make America great again, Snow F. Lake. Godspeed.