1,000 candles threw shadows across the walls of the funeral home. The soft glow of a projector displayed a slideshow of my grandfather’s life in photos. Family members exchanged memories of him. As my mother stepped behind the lectern and began a long speech about her late father, speaking in Farsi, I tried to listen attentively, grasping at the few words I could recognize. Hearing stories of the life my grandfather led, it dawned on me how my inability to speak Farsi has limited my ability to connect with the people in my family. Not being able to adequately communicate with my grandfather prevented me from truly getting to know him.

The loss of languages between generations of immigrant families is known as language attrition, according to the National Library for Medicine. The majority of third-generation immigrant children do not speak the language of their heritage country or countries, according to The Center for Comparative Immigration Studies.

Dhara Jobrani ’26’s mother and father speak Malayalam, a south Indian language, and Farsi, a Persian language, respectively. Jobrani, however, speaks neither language. He said not speaking Farsi leaves him feeling removed from his culture when trying to relate with other Persians.

“Not speaking the language has created a slight disconnect,” Jobrani said. “When I’m trying to connect with other people who speak the language or who share the same background, it is hard. They assume I know Farsi and can understand what they are saying.”

Jobrani said he is disappointed that his parents did not make a larger effort to teach him either of their native languages.

“I definitely regret not learning the language while I was young,” Jobrani said. “In the end, it’s really my parents’ fault. They totally could have taught me, but they didn’t, which I think my dad regrets. My mom was never into teaching me Malayalam, but with Farsi, both my dad and I regret that I don’t speak it. I hope to learn it.”

Jobrani said that even though his grandparents speak some English, it can still be difficult to communicate when not speaking their native language.

“Thankfully, all my grandparents speak English, but they sometimes have trouble with it,” Jobrani said. “It can get hard for us to communicate, so I feel like I should know their language to communicate better with them. Also, Farsi is known for having these very intense ways of saying ‘I love you.’ There’s one that directly translates to ‘I could eat your kidney,’ and I think those translations don’t always come across the right way. If I [knew] the language, I might understand those sayings or phrases better and be able to connect with them more.”

Children of immigrants constitute the most prominent minority group and the fastest growing segment of the United States’ child population, according to the National Library of Medicine. Children who can speak or are more familiar with their heritage language are more likely to have a stronger connection to their cultural values and participate frequently in cultural activities.

Laila Kim ’26 is a second-generation Korean American who does not speak Korean with her parents. She said that she took Korean language lessons when she was younger because she wanted to be more involved with her family’s culture.

“I took lessons because [my parents] spoke Korean at home with each other, but I could never understand what they were saying,” Kim said. “I lost most of the Korean I learned in those lessons because I took them when [much] younger, which is sad, [considering] a big part of the reason I wanted to take them in the first place was because I felt a little disconnected.”

Kim said not speaking the language has sometimes made it harder to feel part of the community and has posed barriers in feeling accepted by other Koreans at the school.

“There are a lot of other Koreans at the school and every time I speak with one of them, they think I’m really whitewashed,” Kim said. “They think because I don’t speak the language, I’m somehow [less Korean], but it’s just because I was never taught it.”

Grandparents are often responsible for passing down values and traditions to future generations of immigrant families, according to the National Library of Medicine. As a result, children who don’t share a common language with their grandparent may experience a more surface-level connection. Jacob Massey ’25 said not speaking the same language as his grandparents has become increasingly difficult as they grow older.

“Not being able to speak the same language fluently has definitely posed barriers,” Massey said. “I still have a relationship with my grandparents, but my grandmother’s hearing is getting worse and worse. Speaking to her in Farsi is hard enough, but speaking to her in English means that you have to yell something eight times until she finally understands. Sometimes, when my mom, her cousin or whoever will be talking, I don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Language plays a large role in how people shape their thoughts and perceptions of environment, according to The New Yorker. In addition to language, accents and dialects are strong markers of social identity and can impact social affiliations, according to a study in the Financial Times.

Immigrant families can raise the likelihood of passing down their native language by engaging their children with books, music and television in the language, according to The Atlantic. Upper School Spanish Teacher Sephora Escarpeta, who moved to the United States from the Dominican Republic at age four, only spoke Spanish in her home growing up. Escarpeta said she uses many tools to help preserve Spanish language and culture in her household.

“What I did with my kids and grandchildren is read a lot of books in English and Spanish,” Escarpeta said. “I find time to read to them, speak to them and text them in Spanish as much as I can. Also, we’re eating Spanish, Dominican and Caribbean food most of the time. We’re also keeping our traditions. For example, we celebrate King’s Day, not just Christmas. There are a lot of things that we do at home to keep our customs and traditions, and I think that helps pass down the culture too.”

Escarpeta said some first-generation American students who do not speak their heritage language may feel pressured into believing their heritage is not an important part of their culture.

“A lot of kids that are raised here who don’t speak the language still feel part of their culture,” Escarpeta said. “They still eat the food and might even understand the language without speaking it. They may still feel very much part [the culture], but society tells them not to. That’s where they struggle. They feel accepted in their own community but not by the rest of the world.”

Francesca Varese ’26 said her family was able to pass on Spanish to her by making it the sole language spoken in the household.

“What helped keep Spanish alive in my house was that I have never spoken a single word of English to either of my parents,” Varese said. “Even when I’m with my friends, I only address [my parents] in Spanish. I went to preschool without speaking a single word of English, and I had to tough it out for the first three years of preschool and school. By the time I was six, I was pretty proficient. My parents never speaking English to me is just my normal. I’ve never wanted to speak English with them.”

Varese said that being able to speak the language of her family’s heritage fluently has made her feel especially connected to her culture.

“My language is what tied me the most to my culture,” Varese said. “Spanish is such a big part of my life because it is the language of love and family for me. When I speak Spanish, I feel comfort and home. It’s a really big part of my culture and my own identity because my language is something that I know will never go away.”