In her pitch-black bedroom at 5 a.m., Sunny Lu ’25 sits crisscross in front of her laptop. Her eyes are glued to the screen as the Harvard University mens water polo team’s game begins. Squinting to read the numbers on the players’ caps, she catches sight of her boyfriend, Dean Strauser ’24, as he makes his first goal in his debut college game. Shrieking so loud that she nearly wakes up her family, a smile appears on Lu’s face as she is reminded of the times she would watch her boyfriend from the stands at Copses Family Pool.
Lu and Strauser have been dating for ten months, since she was a junior and he was a senior. They decided to stay together despite now living on opposite ends of the country. Lu said part of maintaining their relationship is supporting each other and staying dedicated without being physically together.
“Long-distance is about commitment,” Lu said. “You have to find a routine where both of you are ready to put in as much effort as you can. For example, he’s having a hard time because he is a student-athlete, so he has to balance both water polo and academics. There are times when he is really stressed, so I try to be there whenever I can.”
College students in long-distance relationships may face increased loneliness due to limited in-person interaction with their partner. They may also experience more strain on their relationships and life in college, according to the National Library of Medicine. Lu said her boyfriend uses small acts of kindness to support her from a distance.
“There are times when school gets hard, and it’s stressful,” Lu said. “We call every day and he orders me Uber Eats to school to cheer me up. He texts me ‘go outside’ and I see a bag of Go Greek waiting at the North Entrance.”
Lu said being separated from her boyfriend has not been difficult because of their ability to ease each other’s anxieties.
“If you don’t communicate, [long-distance] is never going to work out,” Lu said. “There are going to be so many issues because everyone overthinks little things. It’s human nature. The other person can’t get annoyed and is willing to give that reassurance when needed. He’s been doing that really well when I’m overthinking and vice versa.”
Approximately 75% of college students have been in long-distance relationships, according to The American Counseling Association. Many students choose to stay together because of the strong emotional connection they have built throughout high school.
Helena Salas ’25 and Matthew Commons ’25 have been dating for two and a half years. Despite having the same first choice school, they will be attending different colleges next fall. Salas said their choice to apply Early Decision (ED) to the same school was made independently.
“We both [applied ED] to the same school,” Salas said. “[It wasn’t] because we wanted to go to that school together, but because we both liked it. He got in. I didn’t get in. That was a little upsetting, but then I realized it’s really for the best. I don’t actually think I’d be happy there, and all that pressure was for naught.”
Salas and her boyfriend plan on staying together throughout college even though they are attending different schools. The pair both compete in sailing and plan on going to school near each other, making the distance less daunting. Salas said she has high hopes for their relationship and believes that the change will help strengthen their bond.
“[Long-distance] is not going to be the best, but we can make it work,” Salas said. “We will have separate friend groups and our own spaces in college, which is healthy. We already compete against each other on separate club sailing teams, so we’re used to the challenge. Also, in college, your relationship becomes a lot more serious.”
Couples separated between states face an even larger challenge to maintain their relationships because of increased difficulty in reuniting, according to the Carolina Digital Repository. Approximately 82% of students in the school’s class of 2024 attended a university outside of California, according to Upper School Dean Sharon Cuseo.
Mac Galaviz ’25 and Diya Schievink ’26 have been together for one year and the two plan to stay together while he attends Northwestern University and she stays in Los Angeles. Galaviz said that being separated is going to have challenges, but they are willing to work together.
“It is very scary to imagine the future of us being separated,” Galaviz said. “We are going to be living such different lives, especially with the time difference. There are probably going to be many things that we will have to work through [because of] how much that is going to change. It’s natural to worry when someone’s significant other goes off to college, but I am going to do my best to make sure she doesn’t feel that way.”
Reed Reck ’26 has been dating her boyfriend, Anthony Shearmur ’26, since ninth grade and are current juniors. Reck and her boyfriend are planning to stay together while attending different colleges. Reck said choosing to do long-distance has positives as well as negatives and can serve as a vehicle for personal growth.
“It would be a testament to our relationship to experience college and still choose to be together,” Reck said. “It is important to understand that college is a major time for both of us to grow while also being there for each other. The moments we spend together are even more special in college and it gives an opportunity to experience life together without the drama of high school.”
Long-distance relationships are becoming more common as technology advances. With instant communication tools like texts and FaceTime calls, couples can maintain constant contact regardless of distance. About 60% of long-distance relationships last the duration of their time apart, according to the New York Post.
Eden Mahoney ’25 has been dating Crossroads School senior Caden Ezralow for almost two years. The two plan on attending different colleges next year. Mahoney said she and her boyfriend will remain part of each other’s lives, even if they break up.
“We will probably end up breaking up while staying in contact and being friends,” Mahoney said. “We will most likely be really far away and that would be hard to manage. On top of that, I know we want each other to have a full college experience and go into it not holding back at all. ”
Serena Gupta Gandhi ’99 has been married to her husband Dayan Gandhi ’00 for 18 years. The couple met when she was a junior at the school and he was a sophomore. The couple stayed together throughout college despite attending different schools. Serena Gandhi said couples who feel serious about their relationship in high school should spend time apart in order to grow individually.
“Take a little time apart so you can enter college and not feel like you need to be loyal to that bond,” Gandhi said. “Let the relationship take a little break, experience new things and meet new people. If it’s meant to be, you will [come] back together.”
