need to shake things up. The usual football game and carnivalesque activities are starting to feel passé as my six years at the school come to a close. I propose we take to heart the wise words of “High School Musical 2” and declare, “It’s out with the old, and in with the new.” Here are my suggestions:

Out:

The wolverine as our mascot. Wolverines are dull, uninspiring animals who live in the bleak wilderness of Canada. Why are these Canadians entitled to represent us, and why have we as students left them unchallenged and unquestioned as our mascot?

In:

Replacing our mascot with Mary Star of the Sea, in honor of our homecoming rivals from last year. I’m honestly not sure what a Mary Star is, but it sounds intriguing. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Out:

Our usual national anthem at the big game. Chamber Singers, I love you, but why don’t we let someone solo this year?

In:

Fergie.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Out:

Tackle football. We’re not even that good. 

In:

Flag football. Yes, it will give Homecoming a very elementary school vibe, but at least there are no concussions.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Out:

People from other schools. Brentwood, if you really think you’re better than us, you need to stop leeching off our events.

In:

Celebrity alumni! Beanie Feldstein ’11 needs to confirm whether or not Lea Michele can actually read.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Out:

Confusing carnival activities. I’m tired of paying to throw a football, falling down while I fail at rock climbing, and feeling nauseous as a rickety Ferris wheel whirls.

In:

Study hall! If the goal is “fun,” then there is no better activity than the joyful pursuit of educational excellence.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Out:

The Harvard-Westlake upper school campus.

In:

Holding Homecoming at the soon-to-be River Park construction site, also known as Weddington Golf & Tennis. Studio City residents will love it, and it’s the perfect way to convince the school community that the project is within 50 years of completion!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

I may or may not be present at the Homecoming festivities on Oct. 1. After all, I have both my COVID-19 bivalent booster and flu vaccine scheduled for the day before, and I may be too feverish and under the weather to leave my bed and attend. But I want to see my school succeed! The school needs a Homecoming celebration worthy of our SAT scores.

 Although I understand these events are difficult to plan, I think my very reasonable and logical ideas are a good place for the school to start.