The Student News Site of Harvard-Westlake School

The Harvard-Westlake Chronicle

The Student News Site of Harvard-Westlake School

The Harvard-Westlake Chronicle

The Student News Site of Harvard-Westlake School

The Harvard-Westlake Chronicle

Unpublished Chronicle Headlines 2: Electric Boogaloo

It’s like predictions, but worse.

1. Upper School Deans start looking into what the “trenches” are and why so many students are constantly in them.

2. Complete list of past Honor Board cases is stolen from Prefect Council’s underground tunnels and leaked on Twitter.

3. Cafeteria runs out of white rice. Students riot. Phairot is unfazed.

4. Learning Center “tree house” is shut down because of illicit activity.

5. New library renovations inspire a Chalmers Hall renovation with completion date set in 2032.

6. Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass officially classifies Peer Support as a cult following a second fish incident, this time in the Erewhon bathroom. Erewhon shoppers worry if the salmon was wild caught.

7. Administration bans fidget toys and confiscates all pop-its.

8. Stagecraft students are forced to donate blood for Sweeney Todd.

9. @hw2024commits identity is exposed. It was Brentwood students the whole time.

10. Scientology officials visit campus promising students 4.0 GPAs if they join. 78% did.

11. Editor-in-Chief Ella Yadegar gets pink eye again.

12. Someone comes forward about positive pregnancy test in the Chalmers bathroom.

13. Computer science students create a dating app that matches students by GPA.

14. Ron DeSantis guest editorial: “Sara Segil ’25 was wrong.”

15. Administration organizes the first ever “Honor Code Purge.” Students are permitted to cheat, steal and spit on Chronicle staff members for 24 hours.

16. Sports Managing Editor Jake Lancer ’24 wins Tap Out. Visit The Chronicle on Twitter to find out more.

17. Improv show at local retirement home leaves residents wishing they were deaf.

18. Budget cuts leave students donut-less on convocation.

19. Studio City wildfire rages on the field during the Class of 2025’s Ring Ceremony. Prefects continue giving speeches until the fire department arrives.

20. Gypsy Rose Blanchard speaks to the community at an all school assembly.

21. Advanced Placement Environmental Science classes are attacked by angry seagulls on field study. Three students are hospitalized and 11 are injured.

22. Two sophomores get in a physical fight. The Los Angeles Times writes an article about it, and everyone reposts on Instagram.

23. Empower’s Roe vs. Bro goes viral, and they all get invited to Jimmy Kimmel.

24. Administration gets rid of all Quad tables after someone else’s finger got stuck. Students forced to eat lunch on the ground.

25. Los Angeles County High School for the Arts (LACHSA) creates knockoff film festival to compete with Westflix. Mindy Kaling attends theirs.

26.History Teacher Dror Yaron goes bald.

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Hannah Shahidi, Assistant News Editor

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