Speech Team: Benched debaters.

Science Bowl: Guarantees admission to Santa Monica College.

Environmental Club: Teaching me to recycle everything, including jokes.

Venture: Boy bosses and Sophia Rascoff ’23. 

Community Council: [note to self: do not mention Madison Beer]

Human Rights Watch Student Taskforce: I swear I didn’t make this one up.

Italian Club: ItalianX appropriation? Possibly…

KHWS: Oh my God, Alex G is sooooo underground.

Ethics Bowl: This year’s agenda: spit on morally sub par students — no one is safe.

Mock Trial: Because who doesn’t want to be a corporate lawyer? 

Model UN: No losers allowed.

The Elbow: No cool people allowed. 

Westflix: A published list of applicants for NYU Tisch.

Car Club: Adeptly teaching the student body valuable parking skills.

Harry Potter Club: Google “Draco Likes”; you will not regret it.

Aquarium Club: Petitioning Prefect Council to host Prom at the Aquarium of the Pacific.

A Cappella: Aca-awkward!

Theater Club: Like why? 

Babel: 100% acceptance rate for Editor-in-Chief.

Stand-up Comedy Club: Forever in Carter Staggs’ shadow.

Current Events Club: Might meet like once.

Sustainable Tech Club: Environmental Club calls it, “Wait, that’s a thing?”

Sustainable Fashion Club: No way! It’s thrifted? Tell everyone.

Business with Ethics: Why not Sustainable Business Club?

HW Outreach Performers: Because all impoverished children need is amateur high school student improv.

Ukelele Club: Do you guys know that song “Riptide”?

Sweets on the Streets: Premium users of rhymezone.com.