But there is a representative group on our glorious, resplendent campus that threatens our hallowed philosophy by sheltering itself in a shroud of six-iron secrecy.

The men’s golf team must have more open meetings. Otherwise, they face the immediate wrath of a people tired of unresponsive, undemocratic and most egregiously un-American representation.

The Putting Green Politburo is completely disconnected from the people and, thus, is not responsive to them. These fat cats drive around in golf carts on perfectly manicured grass, laughing blithely and sipping (virgin!) martinis while the rest of the student population trudges up stairs, crying.

All the while, they operate in complete secrecy. Then they have the audacity to claim that they represent us.

It’s absolute balderdash! The freedom-hating vermin don’t understand our problems! The par-four fascists don’t represent our needs!

More open meetings, perhaps once a week, could open a healthy dialogue between the entire school community and its humbug representatives in the men’s golf team. It would lend the team a sense of legitimacy among those that they represent, perhaps even eliminating the radical groups that have cropped up in this time of oppression such as the Fanatics.

Complete disclosure is the norm at Harvard-Westlake. Bastions of transparency like Student Government post their weekly minutes on a board and will occasionally grant interviews to the student press.

It has been years since a senior member of the golf team spoke to the press about the need for more community bonding and even longer since the minutes from a men’s golf team meeting have been posted.

It seems to this most humble columnist that the men’s golf team does nothing to serve our community. Completely occupied by battle after battle (and when not battling, they are practicing and preparing to once again lock horns with “enemies” such as Loyola), these semi-rough Robespierres ignore the desires of the populace without fail.

When our students called for more theme days, the men’s golf team was silent. When our students cried to the heavens for more field trips and class bonding, the men’s golf team was curiously absent. More ridiculous, the men’s golf team has not put together a single dance all year.
Clearly, our community’s complete and unabashed resentment towards the golf team is wholly justified.

The team knows it’s in trouble, that the people are unhappy. They flee the campus every day, to their comfortable off-campus range to hold their clandestine meetings. That their seat of power is so far from the people is a mockery! Blatant rigmarole, true malarkey!

We should give the golfinistas just what they fear most. In the eyes of the school community, they’ve lost their legitimacy as true representatives and must be removed.

Violent revolution is our only option.