It’s the end of the school year, and that means that Harvard-Westlake seniors are getting ready to leave home for the colleges that they worked so hard to get into. As everyone knows, there is nothing that a high school senior loves more than hearing uneducated opinions about the college they’re going to. So, without further ado, here are my uneducated opinions on the colleges that all of you are going to.

Cornell: “Ivy League School”

UC Berkeley: The Harvard of Northern California.

University of Chicago: You’re not actually on the robotics team, but why do I think you are?

Smith College: You cried when Hillary Clinton lost in 2016.

Stanford University: You worked hard to get in.

University of Pennsylvania: Your parents worked hard to get you in.

Boston College: You survived the ED massacre of senior fall.

Harvard University: 4.5 GPA, legacy and Visa required.

Columbia University: You camped at Coachella for the sole reason of preparing for your freshman year housing situation.

George Washington University: Print Managing Editor pipeline.

University of Michigan: Getting into the sorority you want will be harder than getting into the school.

University of Wisconsin: Is the Michigan waitlist still active?

Syracuse University: Is the Wisconsin waitlist still active?

Rice University: You’re cute, according to people on TikTok.

Duke University: 6 feet and 9 inches tall.

University of Southern California: Close to mommy.

Boston University: “You don’t need to study. You go to BU.” -Jesse Eisenberg playing the role of Mark Zuckerberg.

Northeastern: Which country are you having your extended summer Europe trip in?

Northwestern: Tangs and others.

New York University: Ready to leave your Harvard-Westlake classmates behind!

The New School: Charlotte Appel in the big apple.

Brown University: You are so indie and quirky for calling your major your “concentration.”

University of Virginia: Jewish girls cosplaying the Christian Girl Autumn aesthetic.

Wesleyan University: You’re deliberately artsy.

Colgate University: You’re deliberately not artsy.

Wake Forest: You’re Eden Mahoney.

Vanderbilt University: Southern girl cosplay.

Dartmouth College: Being immersed in nature for four years will surely prepare you for your career in finance.

Tufts University: You pay 90k in tuition a year to be a socialist, and your (doctor or lawyer) parents couldn’t be prouder.