For The Chronicle Satire page’s grand total of zero loyal readers, you will remember in the May 2023 issue when the two of us reflected on the things we learned as sophomores and what we were looking forward to as juniors. The reason we didn’t write the piece again as juniors was because we learned nothing during junior year except how to find derivatives and survive on less than six hours of sleep every night. But good news: we’ve learned a LOT during senior year, and we can’t wait to enlighten you, assuming this intro was captivating enough for you to keep reading.

Everything we learned during senior year:

1. Working for The Chronicle may not make you a journalist, but it sure makes you battle-tested.

2. Phairot not charging you for your cafeteria lunch makes up for what you spend at Joan’s on Third.

3. Despite what you might see on Instagram, Former Print Managing Editor Davis Marks ’24 never actually went to college. Instead, he lives in Sharon Cuseo’s office and gossips all day. We saw them through the window.

4. When you’re late to school, you can always blame the Coldwater Canyon garbage truck.

5. The Honor Board actually meets at the Erewhon across the street. If you feel bad enough about cheating on your test, Jordan Church uses the Prefect Council budget to buy you sushi.

6. Come to school when you’re sick. Stay at home when you’re not sick. Go loco!

7. No matter when the school promises River Park will be built by, it still won’t be finished by the time you graduate.

8. Even when you start sleeping earlier, you’ll still keep your Harvard-Westlake Eye Birkins™.

9. Uovo* is low-key a really fake person.

10. The longer you’re at this school, the more gentrified Studio City will become.

11. If you’re not gonna splurge on Splashin premium for 11 dollars, don’t even bother. (Make sure you canceled your subscription).

12. There is no way to unsubscribe from Kwaisi France’s HW Works emails.

13. Prefect Council…..wait, we still don’t know what Prefect Council does.

14. Be yourself. Actually, scratch that. Listen to house music.

15. If you want to be indie, leave your car unlocked. This joke is directed at Executive Editor Everett Lakey ’25.

16. If you say the name “Larry Klein” into a mirror three times in a row, he will appear and ask you to submit your late discussion posts.

What we’re looking forward to in college:

1. Having a totally real college campus. -Hannah

2. Living in the booming metropolis of Cambridge. -Zoe

3. Having something to blame our depression on (the seasons).

4. Having something different to compare the Harvard-Westlake chicken and rice to.

5. Using a leather tote bag instead of a backpack.

6. Meeting people who have never tried a Hailey Bieber smoothie before.

7. No more LA traffic.

8. Using public transportation — what is that?

9. Coming back to awkwardly visit Harvard-Westlake during Winter Break.

10. Joining a club that actually has meetings.

11. Losing our LA accents.

12. Finally investing in a Canada Goose jacket.

13. Being able to wear said jacket in appropriate weather conditions.

In all seriousness though, maybe the real senior supplement was the friends we made along the way.

Signing off,

Hannah and Zoe

*Name has been changed.