I get home from a date at Jon and Vinny’s, slip off my shoes and run upstairs. In the familiar warmth of my bed, I open my phone and go on TikTok. I am immediately bombarded with videos of people telling me if I continue things with my date I will end up a mindless prude with no female friendships, life goals or identity. After all, it is early November of 2025 and Chante Joseph’s British Vogue Article “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?” has just gone viral. As I scroll past hoards of influencers on TikTok, each scrambling to project relevance and authority, I can’t help but think that these videos are a waste of breath and harmful to the perception of women and romantic relationships.
Relationships are a natural and healthy part of life. As human beings, we crave connection, and romantic relationships are one aspect of that. Positive emotions like love and passion are important benefits from being in an intimate relationship, according to 95% of participants in a study published by the National Institute of Health (NIH). They are not signs of dependence, as many like to claim, but rather a reflection of the common positive effect of increased emotional well-being when in a relationship.
Being in a committed relationship, when it involves sexual relations, can lead to better sex with health and emotional benefits. Having sex as part of a loving relationship stimulates the release of oxytocin and other mood-boosting hormones more so than masturbation, according to Nicole Cirinio, M.D., associate professor of psychiatry at OHSU’s Center for Women’s Health. Furthermore, 86% of participants rated receiving “sexual satisfaction” to be a top benefit, with many viewing “safe sex” as very important in the study by the NIH. At a time when hookup culture is so prevalent and idealized, it is important to note the emotional benefits of having sex with just one person that you are meaningfully committed to.
But this conversation is not just about the health and emotional benefits of having a boyfriend. It is also about women getting to live their lives however they want, without having to hear constant discourse about it. There is no reason something as ordinary and normal as having a boyfriend should be labeled as “embarrassing,” a word with a negative connotation that reflects badly on the person experiencing it.
Ultimately, while embarrassment is a valid emotion, it has morphed into something a lot bigger and more significant in today’s world – a constantly feared fate for those who don’t act cool enough. Embarrassment stems from the anticipation of others judging us negatively, threatening the social image we want to project, according to the social evaluation model by Rowland S. Miller. However, research shows that fear of negative evaluation is clearly linked with social anxiety and disordered eating, according to an abstract by Cheri A Levinson and Thomas L Rodebaugh. The distinct link between feeling embarrassment and these negative outcomes highlights the harm in labeling a common occurrence something worth being judged for.
It’s never embarrassing to go after what you want as a woman – whether it be a promotion, the newest Hermès bag or a romantic partner. But it’s important to stay true to who you are while doing those things. That means maintaining individuality while being in a serious relationship; keeping your priorities straight and staying in tune with who you are, instead of diminishing your identity to that of someone’s girlfriend. Being authentic also means not having a boyfriend if you don’t want one. The trending movement of hating your boyfriend has been gaining traction, championing the viral hashtag #ihatemybf. Don’t join that club. Instead, have the confidence to leave your relationship if you are unhappy. Empowerment is the opposite of embarrassment, and the most empowering thing someone can do is take ownership of who they are. Whether that means loving your boyfriend, choosing not to have one or hovering somewhere in between, voice your convictions and live by them.
