Mary scours the dinner table for conversation among the rambunctious group around her. Spaghetti is flying, laughter is erupting and silverware is clanking against plates. Mary realizes that she feels alone at her own 18th birthday party. To her far left, Rachel is hunched over her iPhone, completely in her own world, only looking up when a TikTok is funny enough to show to the person next to her. Beside her, another girl sits sandwiched between two similarly phone-addicted teens , eagerly waiting for her turn to join a conversation that never seems to start. Before Mary can say anything, she is suddenly blinded by the flash of a camera pressed inches from her face, capturing every angle for the inevitable Instagram post. She jerks away from the bright light, blinking just in time to see spaghetti noodles soaring through the air. A second later, marinara sauce stains her baby blue dress, ruining her birthday dinner.
Situations like this, where social etiquette is ignored entirely, have become all too common. Phones have made it easier to avoid awkwardness, but they have also made it harder to actually have fun. At dinners, parties and even school events, people use their phones as a safety blanket, something to stare at when the conversation pauses. Instead of talking to the people near them , meeting someone new or simply being present in the moment, they scroll through Instagram reels and pretend they are busy.
This same problem shows up at school. When students walk through campus, many immediately reach for their phones, not because they have something urgent to do, but because scrolling is easier than making eye contact with peers. It lets people act insouciant, when in reality, they are just awkwardly doomscrolling to avoid conversation.
51% of children actively use devices during meals, according to The Guardian. Phones have become normalized at dinner tables for many children today, replacing opportunities to watch adults interact with manners, conversation and respect. This growing dependence on screens may contribute to weaker social awareness and conversational etiquette, as they likely will continue to retreat back to their devices during uncomfortable social situations. Excessive screen time in children is also associated with delays in language and social development, according to a 2014 UCLA study.
The issue is not that phones exist. It is that they have started to replace basic social interaction and, in doing so, allow people to circumvent the development of vital social skills. At dinner, people show up late, cling to the one person they already know, take endless photos, and hide behind their screens. What should be a chance to talk and connect becomes a collection of half-conversations and awkward silence.
That is why small changes, like name cards or a phone pile in the center of the table, can make such a big difference. Name cards can push people to branch out and talk to someone new they may not have had the opportunity to before. A phone stack can hold everyone at the table accountable to being present and encourage everyone to equally engage with the people around them instead of withdrawing from the conversation.
It’s important to create a space where people are expected to be present. Once distractions are no longer in reach, people will be pushed to work through uncomfortable social situations that may arise. Being fully present is an important life lesson to learn and practice, and making an effort to do so will lead to better social skills. Introducing yourself, talking to new people, making eye contact and respectfully engaging with others are important skills to learn early in life. Dinners and social gatherings are not meant to isolate and anger people, but rather strengthen relationships and create meaningful connections, which is only possible with sustained effort and a break from our generation’s norms.
